BAD LADS ARMY: EXTREME

26 August, 2006 by The_Boss

The final two episodes of Bad Lads Army: Extreme are to be screened in one evening.
ITV1 Tuesday 29 August 2006 9pm to 10pm and 11pm to midnight.

In the first episode of the night the lads’ training is all about controlled aggression. It’s a particularly pertinent theme for our bunch of binge-drinking, bar-brawling thugs as between them they’ve clocked up 350 arrests for a range of crimes including assault, aggravated burglary and GBH.

Career criminal and former jail-bird Chris Coad still hasn’t adjusted to the army regime of early wake-ups, ice-cold showers and punishing training. Unluckily for him, the final challenge of a solo parachute jump from 3500 feet is getting ever closer and training is stepping up a gear.

Coad, who has convictions for assault and burglary, wants out and has constantly tried to escape training by feigning illness. But with the military wise to his tricks he tries a different approach.

He claims his ‘missus’ is being threatened and asks to be discharged so that he can go home “and put a baseball bat around the side of their head, sergeant” which isn’t exactly a display of the sort of controlled aggression the military are looking for.

When pressed, Coad eventually reveals the real reason he wants to go home is so that he can get back to feeding his 40-pints-of-lager-a-day addiction to alcohol. “I drink from the moment I wake up until the moment I fall asleep,” he admits.

The lads are playing host to four World War II veterans and former members of the parachute regiment. Hearing the soldiers’ tales of genuine bravery is a humbling experience for many of them. Coad has struggled with the controlled aggression training but this meeting prompts him to re-think his attitude. The four real-life heroes also make a big impression on recovering heroin addict James Bourne, thief and fraudster Mark Grimes and wannabe ganster Shaz Nawaz who make some confessions about their pasts.

Ex public school boy Aiden Chaffe resented his father’s military career and credits the army with ruining his life. Things hit rock-bottom for him when he lets his section down during a gruelling log run and is stripped of the famous paratrooper’s smock he and the other lads have been awarded as a mark of their progress so far. If he wants it back he’ll have to earn it – but instead of jumping to it he sits and sulks. Late for parade, he falls foul of the Platoon Sergeant and lands himself in the camp jail.

The lads of Pegasus Platoon are about to undergo a big test and it seems there’s no hope for the unmotivated and under-achieving private Chaffe. Platoon Commander Captain Dodds makes a last ditch attempt to inspire Chaffe: he’s got a chastening letter from his mother. The frank account of the impact his behaviour has had on his family reduces Chaffe to floods of tears. The home-truths force him to readdress his attitude and as he joins the rest of the platoon for Operation: Take No Prisoners, pledging to make his parents proud for the first time ever.

On the bayonet assault course against a background of smoke, explosions and the Provo Sergeant armed with a machine-gun, the lads must prove their ability to channel and control their aggression. Something clicks into place against all odds Chaffe pulls it out of the bag when it matters most. He’s the only private in Pegasus Platoon to have got it right – and he’s got his Para smock back again.

Controlled aggression training reveals that while most of the lads have too much aggression there are some who don’t display any whatsoever. Andrew Findlay is one of four ‘platoon-wets’ sent for special coaching.

His own shot at redemption arrives swiftly enough however. One of Red section bottles out of the super-heavyweight bout in the platoon boxing tournament. There’s only one man in the section in the right weight category to take his place - platoon ‘wet’ private Findlay.

Findlay steps bravely into the breach – it’s his chance to prove he’s a man.

And an hour later

In the final instalment of Bad Lads Army: Extreme, underdog blue team manage an early victory over the reds and are convinced that their win will ensure them each a place on the plane.

However, Captain Dodds bursts their bubble by explaining that the Para regiment is an elite force and not all of the lads on the winning team have met the high standards required. The blues will have to fight it out for one last time with red section for the five remaining places.

The lads must past a three stage challenge comprising ‘medical’, ‘physical’ and ‘moral’ tests. Everyone is desperate to make the grade as the solo jump would be the icing on the cake after four weeks of gruelling training.

Mark Grimes stops at nothing to try to secure his spot and even goes so far as to bluff medical staff into thinking his cracked ribs have healed. After taking painkillers to mask the pain he takes part in all the tests and even comes third in the physical element. Eventually he’s forced to come clean and on the advice of the medics he’s barred from jumping. Even the fittest lad of all, private Jamie Smedley, is forced to withdraw with a shoulder injury and ends up in tears when he doesn’t make the final list.

After reviewing the results from the day’s tests, only nine of the lads are told they’ve made the grade and are fit enough to jump.

When the terrifying jump arrives things don’t run as smoothly as planned for one of the lads as he experiences every Para’s worst nightmare – a tangled ‘chute…

With the lads back to earth with a bump it’s time for the lads to pass out, with all the pomp and ceremony of the military parade. With only 20 of the original 30 lads remaining, they’re unrecognisable from the rabble who strode into camp full of attitude four weeks ago.

As the band strikes up and the Union Jack is raised, the platoon marches on in perfect step. The reformed bad lads hold their heads high as Captain Dodds delivers his closing address. They have earnt their maroon berets and have taken everything the military has thrown at them. Parents and friends are seeing their boys as they’ve never seen them before. “He looks like a man, not a boy”, sobs one proud grandmother.

It has almost become tradition for a Bad Lads Army pass out to prompt a wedding proposal and this time it’s recovering heroin addict Private Bourne who gets down on a bended knee to pop the question to long term (and long suffering) girlfriend Lianne. But has he done enough to persuade her that he would make a good husband?